808s and Bold Takes Issue 24: The Official Return to Sports Viewing Guide
I tell you exactly which games and series you need to watch as sports continue their return, so you don't spend your time watching bad and boring games. I'm doing a public service folks.
(Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash)
Hello and welcome to 808s and Bold Takes.
Sports are back! And if you can’t tell, I’m going to write about them! If you don’t like sports, don’t panic, as most of the newsletters will have a non-sports section as well. This isn’t one of those because I wrote too much, and if you read the headline or sub-headline, you’ll see that I’m going to start by giving sports fans a watching guide.
Why do we need a watching guide?
Well, because after months of almost no sports, there’s almost an overload of sports happening at this very moment.
Your time is valuable, and you don’t want to waste it watching sports games that are either not going to matter or aren’t enjoyable. Unless you want to, in which case please let me direct you to “Paint Drying” on NBC Sports Network... oh, wait, that’s actually Islanders vs Panthers.
Close enough.
There are some sports I won’t recommend at all--I don’t know enough about soccer to talk about it, and baseball is in such a tenuous season that there’s a very real chance any game I recommend might be canceled at literally any moment. Without further ado, let’s get started.
Honorable Mention: New York Liberty at Washington Mystics
Information: August 7th at 7 pm on ESPN2
This is the only WNBA matchup I have on the list, only because as the rest of the leagues are either playing in the playoffs or for games that will immediately impact playoff positioning, the WNBA has just started their season.
That being said, I can’t wait for this game. Let’s start with the Mystics, who as of this writing are 3-0 and leading the league. Sorry, let me restate: the DEFENDING CHAMPION WASHINGTON MYSTICS.
Feels good.
They lead the league even after losing three of their best players in Elena Delle Donne, Kristi Tolliver, and LaToya Sanders. Despite those losses, the Belgian bomber Emma Meesemann has been electric so far this year. They’re an incredibly fun team, but they’re not the best reason to tune in.
No, the best reason to tune in is Sabrina Ionescu. If you don’t know who Sabrina Ionescu is, you’re missing out. The New York Liberty drafted her first overall and she’s one of the most highly anticipated prospects in basketball history. After her first game, where she struggled to shoot the ball, she did phenomenally in her second game, scoring 33 points along with 7 rebounds and 7 assists.
Now, there’s a caveat here, because Ionescu suffered an ankle sprain in her third game. If she can’t play, this game obviously becomes much less appealing, but if she’s hopefully back, it’ll be a phenomenal game between the league’s present best team and its future icon and superstar.
5) Miami Heat at Milwaukee Bucks
Information: August 6th at 4 pm on TNT
If you got a chance to read my three questions for the NBA’s three true contenders, you’ll see that I wanted to see who could possibly stop Giannis Antetokounmpo, who’s going to win the MVP again this year and, in his last game against the Celtics, scored 36 points on 70% shooting in just 32 minutes.
Those are preposterously good numbers, but I think that Bam Adebayo and the Heat could somewhat limit Giannis. Here’s what I said in the last newsletter (achieving a lifetime goal of mine in quoting myself):
“Give me Bam Adebayo from the Miami Heat. To stop Giannis, you need a special blend of speed, strength, and length, and Adebayo has it. At 6’9” and 255lbs, Adebayo’s got the size, and his 7’1” wingspan gives him a shot against the Greek Freak. In his time guarding Giannis this year, he held him to 35% shooting.
Combining him with smart defenders like Jimmy Butler and Andre Iguodala on the Heat makes that team an incredibly intriguing matchup that could be the hardest one Milwaukee faces in the conference.”
Even otherwise, the Bucks are really fun to watch because they’re insanely good and Giannis is as dominant as any player has been. The Heat are also extremely fun because they have Jimmy Butler, who’s a human battering ram both on and off the court (google Jimmy Butler T-wolves practice), and Bam Adebayo, who’s the best match between play style and name that we’ve seen since baseball player Bruce Hitt.
Get it, cause he goes Bam when he dunks and Bruce Hitt had a lot of… alright, yeah, you guys get it.
These two teams might meet in the second round, so it’ll be a good test to see if my prediction about the Heat giving Giannis trouble is warranted or if, as usual, I’m just talking out of a place where the sun doesn’t shine.
4) Memphis Grizzlies at New Orleans Pelicans
Information: August 3rd at 6:30 pm on ESPN
The narratives are strong in this one. Let’s start with the fact that both teams are currently fighting for the eighth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference (although the Pelicans are fading fast).
The first and second picks from the latest draft are on opposite teams, in Zion Williamson and Ja Morant. Did I mention that both of them had phenomenal rookie seasons, accumulating great stats and phenomenal highlight plays?
Honestly, both of these players are automatic must-watches for me already, and high flying dunks and flashy passes should be expected.
3) (Full Series, Chicago leads 1-0) Chicago Blackhawks at Edmonton Oilers
Imagine going on a roller coaster. (I’m doing my Jon Hamm Mad Men impression as I say this.) Except the roller coaster never has the uphill anticipation; instead, it’s just consistent trips down the slope at breakneck speeds. That’s what Chicago at Edmonton is going to be.
I just finished watching the first game of the series, a game that had 11 goals in a 7-4 Chicago win. These hockey playoffs will be the most unpredictable ever. There are 22 teams, they all had a four-month layoff, the ice is going to be melted because it’s piping hot (that means more pucks will bounce and be weird because of weird divots in the ice), and the first round is best out of 5.
It’s going to be marvelous.
Chicago and Edmonton aren’t two of the best teams--in fact, Chicago wouldn’t have made the playoffs in a normal playoff field. But they both have superstars, Edmonton with the best player in the world Connor McDavid and a top-five MVP candidate in Leon Draisaitl, Chicago with the aging yet splendid duo of Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews.
In the first period of game one, I stepped away from my TV two times, the first to find my phone and the second to reduce my body’s liquid content. Both times, I heard the announcer scream “GOALLLL” and had to rush back. Peak unpredictability.
Expect two things from this series:
Goals. Lots and lots of goals which are extremely fun to see; screw defense.
Chaos.
2) Toronto Raptors at Philadelphia 76ers
Information: August 12th at 6:30 pm on ESPN
The East has one clear contender in Milwaukee and then three, maybe four, teams that are chomping at the bit to take their swing at the top. Those three are Toronto, Philly, Boston, and, to some, Miami.
At least two of those teams will have to win two series before they even get a chance to take on Giannis’s Bucks, and Toronto and Philly would be an ideal matchup. They met last year in the playoffs, a series Kawhi Leonard ended with a buzzer-beating three in game 7.
I’m fascinated by the 76ers, mostly because I have no clue what to make of them. There’s been this weird tension about Ben Simmons not shooting three-pointers and the issues it’s apparently causing on the court with Joel Embiid, even though the statistics when the two play together are phenomenal.
They’re a team that plays super-big and with less shooting than almost any other team at a time when the league is shifting in the complete opposite direction, causing issues with their free-agent signing Al Horford.
Despite all that, if they can put it together, they’re on par with Milwaukee because they have just oodles of talent up and down the roster. If Embiid is locked in? Oh my goodness, watch out folks, because he can dominate almost any other player in these playoffs.
The Raptors are less volatile, which means they should probably win the hypothetical matchup, but I’m curious to see what this rested incarnation of the Sixers looks like.
1)(Full Series) New York Rangers at Carolina Hurricanes
I have no clue what’s going to happen in this series. Carolina took a 1-0 lead and has the better skaters, but New York probably has the three best goalies for both teams? That’s not a joke, the third-string goalie on the Rangers might be better than the starter for Carolina.
Hockey’s just fun, and these two teams have fun players. Let’s go through them.
Artemi Panarin - His nickname is the Breadman, and he’s probably the favorite for the MVP award, playing in the biggest market in North America and maybe the world. Very fast, very skilled, and very fun. 10/10
Sebastian Aho - Not as fun or good as Panarin, but still quite talented. Defensively skilled center who can also put the puck in the net.
Andrei Svechnikov - Most prominently known for getting his butt handed to him when he tried to fight fellow Russian Alexander Ovechkin last year in the playoffs. Okay, never mind, that’s just how I know him; you might know him as the guy who was the first and second NHL player to successfully convert the coveted lacrosse goal.
Yes, yes we are.
Henrick Lundqvist - Maybe the greatest goaltender of this generation, lost his starting job this year before the pause, has never won a Stanley Cup, started the first game of this series after starter Igor Shestyorkin (great name for a Disney villain) and plays quite well in a loss.
Mika Zibanajed - He has really good hair and scored five goals in a game once against the Capitals. Look at that hair!
I see Rangers fans are taking their one loss extremely well.
I’ve written too much already, and Eva (who remains the best editor ever) is going to yell at me, so I’ll be back soon with a review of the Dominic Fike album and my official Fox News Idiot Top 5 Power Rankings! See you all then, folks.
- VS